Have you ever had a moment like this? Most writers have.
Don’t forget the critiquing guidelines. All you have to do is post a comment about the submission below. Don’t feel like you have to critique the whole piece. Even a short comment on one aspect can be helpful.
This post will stay active indefinitely, so you can come back and add comments at any time. If you are the writer who is being critiqued, you should subscribe to this post so you can be notified when any comments are added.
The Brothers of Elliar – by Isabelle
Owain looked ahead. He was almost to the castle, but Feotheire had gotten there first. in fact, Feotheire was just now demounting and he was going to go in, and if he did, Owain would have failed.
Owain finally got there, he quickly got off his horse, and ran to where Feotheire was going. He had just about caught up with Feotheire, but Feotheire looked back, saw Owain, and ran down the hall until he got into the courtroom. Owain knew that even though he certainly wasn’t Rheovan, and he couldn’t truly make up for whatever Feotheire had done with words, he was not going to fail. Not today!
He strode into the court. Feotheire glanced behind him to see Owain and glared.
“I beg admittance to attend the court concerning Sir Feotheire Lontrey, your royal Highness, as his (here Owain inwardly cringed) brother, Captain Owain Lontrey, knight of the realm of Elliar”, he said, bowing to the king.
The king waved his hand in admittance. “Yes, of course, Captain Lontrey”, and he waved his hand for the court to continue.
“You”, bellowed a courtier, “Are accused of being a cohort to participators, or participating yourself, in the Aquion Act, a rebellion against the king, and will be trialed here because of it. The proof that is offered is this letter”, he continued, holding up an envelope, “And it reads: ‘Lontrey, as you would take part, Captain A. (“that being Aquion himself, of course”, interjected the king) is this moment gathering the pack. The wolves are now poised to strike at the traveler, all that is left is for you to give them the right circumstances, signed General Gerrokes, leader of the pack'”, finished the man. “And as Sir Feotheire is the only Lontrey in this part of the country who has traveled even beyond the borders of our land, and has not sworn loyalty to our king as a knight, military man or counselor, the evidence would seem obvious. I would now beg you ,and anyone in this court who could, to defend these claims or acknowledge your crime”
The royal scribe began to write more vigorously, as it seemed the court had come to a time that forthwith some would call ‘the exciting part’ of the court session.
“I assure you, Your Royal Majesty, I have noth–“, Feotheire was then interrupted by Owain.
“Your Highness, I have come, in the name of your faithful servant, Lord Rheovan the Mirrorgazer, who would offer an explanation, apology, and would assume further responsibility for Sir Feotheire and his actions, which Lord Rheovan would assure you, were not intended to go as far as treason, but were only a mistake”, said Owain, hoping it sounded enough like Rheovan to be believable.
The royal scribe scribbled down this new suggestion wildly. The king seemed to ponder this for a moment. “I acknowledge Lord Rheovan’s willingness to stand for this man’s actions. However, Sir Feotheire can simply make himself known as repentant, and if he would but give us a new name of at least one other conspirator against the crown who was involved in the Aquion Act, I will grant clearing of his name”
This wasn’t good. Feotheire glared over at Owain, as though it was his fault (which Owain had to agree with, as he was not as good at handling a situation like this as Rheovan would have been).
“You Majesty”, began Feotheire, “I would pledge that I have nothing with the Aqui—”
Again he was interrupted by Owain, trying to make amends for Feotheire’s foolishness. “Your Majesty, perhaps Sir Feotheire knew not of the other rebels, as he himself mistakenly joined and is repented of it. Perhaps we could find the names, though, were Sir Feotheire to be seen by Lord Rheovan, perhaps Lord Rheovan would be able to make sense out of what little information Feotheire may have”
The scribe was penning most determinedly, at a speed that would tire most penmen.
The king stroked his jaw for a moment in thought. “As Lord Rheovan, called the Mirrorgazer, is one whom is trusted well amidst our court, I will allow Sir Feotheire to return to Lord Rheovan and hopefully he, the great sorcerer that he is, would be able to seek out even perhaps the leaders of this conspiracy. So as to give Lord Rheovan time, in the ides of September, two months from now, the court will reassemble to decide the guilt or innocence of Sir Feotheire, and to properly learn of whatever knowledge ,may have been gained on the Aquions”
The scribe’s quill should have been practically steaming from how swiftly he was trying to get this rather large bit to record.
Owain bowed in thankfulness. “In Lord Rheovan’s and in my own name as well, I thank thee, my king, and would depart from thy court”
“You are granted such leave, to return with Sir Feotheire on the thirteenth of September. And now, I would dismiss this court”, he said, waving his hand for the scribe to cease his desperate recording, and the scribe dropped his quill, looking exceedingly tired of writing (and exceedingly thankful for the dismissal of the court).
Owain left, Feotheire following hence, and Owain cringed, knowing he had just created two potentially very bad ‘Feotheire situations’.
Categories: Critique Group