I am a Turner-Offer

I have decided to accept my station in life, as well as the fact that others are born for a different task. I am a turner-offer. As I walk through my house, I often find many lights turned on with no one in the room, so I turn the lights off.

It is such a common practice now, I find that I’m surprised to see a light actually in the off state as I go by. I just naturally reach for the switch, so if it’s already off, I have to stop myself before I accidentally turn it on. Please don’t advise me to get a clapper. My family would think I’ve gone crazy walking around giving a standing ovation to an empty room.

What I couldn’t understand is why all these lights would always be on. Why didn’t everyone else turn lights off? Did gremlins break into the house? Did the switches spontaneously flip to the on position?

As I meditated on this, the answer finally dawned on me. When I turn a light off, the very act brings me pleasure. I have done a good thing. I have saved money. I have singlehandedly rescued our fragile environment. I’m a hero!

That means, I assume, that my wonderful children have graciously gone around and turned lights on in order to make me feel good. They have noticed that I’m in a great mood after turning a light off, in spite of my never-ending question, “Who left this light on?” Since I always end up with a smile, they probably thought the question was asked so that I could thank whoever left it on. But since my kids are so humble, they would never volunteer the information. Far be it from them to seek a reward for their kind and noble acts.

After all this soul-searching, I now realize that there are turner-onner people running around doing kind deeds for the turner-offer in the house. We turner-offers need turner-onners in order to make us happy, fulfilled, and content. In my mind, instead of being an annoyance, they are now people to whom I am indebted.

So, I hereby thank you turner-onners. You turn me on!

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8 replies

  1. Haha, I am a turner-offer too… 😉

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  2. Bryan, I’m with you. I do the same thing with our light switches around the house. 😀

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  3. Haha! I’m a mixed breed. 🙂 I’m okay with minimum lights on, but at times I “need” as many lights on as possible. ;P
    Part of the reason might be that my dad is a turner-offer and he has trained me to be more of a turner-offer than a turner-onner now. 😀

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  4. This somewhat reminds me of a concept I talk about in my stories sometimes. It isn’t exactly the same, but it’s kind of the idea that economies are made up of people that create a need and other people that fill a need. Both sides can be good or bad depending on the circumstances, (the create a need side can be bad from the standpoint that criminals create a need for cops, but this side can also be good when it comes to hospitals, since hospitals create a need for electricity so they can help people) But ultimately both sides play a huge role in our lives and are therefore needed. It’s kind of interesting to see a small example of this playing out in someone’s life 😛

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  5. I’m a turner offer too. I found out my dad doesn’t like me turning off lights when he’s still in the room. (He was on his phone. He shouldn’t need the light on, right?)

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