Don’t forget the critiquing guidelines. All I ask is that you post a comment about the submission below. Don’t feel like you have to critique the whole piece. Even a short comment on one aspect can be helpful.
This post will stay active indefinitely, so you can come back and add comments at any time. If you are the writer who is being critiqued, you should subscribe to this post so you can be notified when any comments are added.
A Dragon Destiny – by Hope
Thunder rumbled in the heavens, and a flash of lightning lit up the earth below for a split-second. Rain pelted down, drenching all in sight of the storm. A large silhouette perched at the edge of a cliff, it was tall and erect, like the statue of a lion. It was a dragon. Its scales were as dark as night, and its eyes were a piercing blue. His gaze drifted across the ravine below, searching for the item which he had lost. With his night vision, he should have found it immediately, but the rain was messing up his senses. Convinced it was not in the deep gorge, he spread his wings and leapt into the air. As he flew, he searched the land under him for the item.
Griffin trembled as he lay still in the ravine, he had cleverly covered himself with mud as a disguise from his pursuer. He slowly cracked open an eye to look above. The black dragon was gone. Griffin stood, still nervous, and jumped into the nearest alcove of rock, where he could at least stay a bit dry. He started wiping the mud off his gray scales with his talons, before thinking better of it. The other dragon could still be around, watching his every movement. Instead, he huddled closer to the wall and pulled his wings around himself, shivering. At least he had escaped from his evil cousin’s clutches, but for how long? Looking around scaredly, he pulled his wings tighter around himself and started to cry.
The next morning, Griffin woke to a chirping sound. He poked his head out of his wing-blanket and curiously looked around. Groups of robins, finches, and many other kinds of birds were flitting about, cheerily communicating to each other in their peculiar language. The terrain around him was muddy and wet, but that didn’t stop the birds. To them, it was the end of the dark and the beginning of a new day, a new, glorious day. Griffin smiled and stepped out into the sunshine, wishing it would last forever. The events of the night before were forgotten, thrown away like an old toothbrush. He smiled as he gazed upon the splendor of the new morning. This new dawn symbolized a new, free life for Griffin, not one where he was locked up his whole life in his cousin’s dungeon.
“Psst!” Griffin jumped at the voice which seemed to come from behind him. He turned to look at the voice. A light blue dragon was poking her head out of a nearby bush. “Hey, you! Come here!” she whispered.
Griffin tentatively stumbled over to her. “What?” he whispered. The other dragon didn’t answer but pulled him into the bush next to her. She peered up at the sky, warily.
“Who are you?” Griffin asked her. She slowly pressed a talon to her lips and then pointed to her ear. He recognized the signal and listened intently. A faint sound of wing-beats was coming closer. Griffin lowered his head as a patrol of dragons swooped over their bush in the direction of the forest.
After the other dragon was sure that they were clear of danger, she turned to him, smiling. “My name is Clover. What’s yours?”
Griffin, still slightly uneasy, responded, “My name is Griffin.”
Clover gasped. “Oh my goodness! You mean like Prince Griffin?! Are you him?” Griffin curled his tail shyly, nodding. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in the castle with King Nightingale?”
Griffin pressed his talons together, “technically yes… but I wanted to see the country.”
Clover lowered her brow, “You know, rebellion isn’t exactly the most wanted quality for a king.”
“Well, he wasn’t exactly treating me fairly.”
Clover shrugged. “anywayyyyy… you probably shouldn’t be out here. Not all the people like the King, and that would cause dislike for his heirs as well.”
“Well I can’t go back. At least not right now.” Griffin argued.
Clover sighed, “Come with me. I’ll take you to my dad.” She looked at his mud covered scales. “but first, let’s clean you off.”
Categories: Critique Group